I normally flow it as a story, of mind and body. It flows as a story of pretend, of make believe. But the truth of it all is that it is all truth

My life....

Where to start,... For those that dont know me, I will start as a child. Fair warning to start I dont want you to say your sorry or give sympathy...read and listen thats alll I ask. I am a child. Born into poverty, blind to the world around me. All I knew was the life of the streets, of pain, drugs, alchol...  I am but a child, taught that i can get what i want by taking it. No one could stop me control me. I am the only one that can control me. I lie so well. I can spin webs of lie and decit to get what I want and noone could tell the difference. I stole what i wanted with out care, remore, or regret. I ran the streets, finding a place to stay from night to night, I stole food and things not only because i wanted it, but to survive... I am not the only one. I took care of my siblings at the age of 5. My mother....was a druggy, and alcholic and selfish. She cared not for us children, except that we were possessions... We were her slaves and objects. It was our duty to do what she wanted and when she was bored with us... we get sent out. Her boyfriends were all abusive. I show no pain or scars... Its rare that I bruise from a hit or show that something has pained me. I learned to control it. I was abused because i was a smart ass kid. I was abused because they were drunk and i wouldnt let them hurt my siblings. I was abused because I would get in the way as they went to hit my mother. I was only 5. I've felt the pain of a whip, the bite of a belt, the taste of blood as it poured form my face, my nose my skull. I know pain, i know pain intimatly. I know what force is, i felt the force of an adult send my child frame across the room.. I've been beaten time and time again.. And i keep getting up, i get hit harder, I get up again. I dont stay down... I stay down i lose, then they get hurt, I stay down. Ill never get up. I stay down... I give in, im worthless.. So i get up..and take the beating and i take more. Then...i snap. I unleash this power that i have hidden in my 5 year old body. I gain the energy that i carry with me now. I am revealed an image.. a splinter of the power i will onday contain... and i go cold. I go into that emotionless state that we all have. Except i decend further then that. I go from just going cold in to that state of not caring and being emotionless. I go from that into emotionless, unreachable and untouchable. Then i decend further. I love this feeling. I am in complete control and no once can stop me. I am deadly, i am cold i am estatic. I have no emotions stopping me.. I have only my body and my rage...cold rage...no emotions attacted. I become a cold blooded killer, assassian, i have no fear. I am immmortal and cant be harmed. I fight back. They go to hit me again... i move out of the way... i find the nearest object as a weapon....i break the chair on the down swing on their head. i grab the leg of it and start beating them back for all the pain that ive felt and that they have caused me...but there is no emotions no tears... i want blood and i want them to stop moving...they leave she drinks more and more, brings home another asshole...i take the beatings i go cold once more. I am deadly... they kick me against the wall and come after me.... they cant touch me this time..im too fast too young too cold. They get near the stairs...i grab the nearest item...i dont rember if it was a broken vodka bottle or a knife ...it was sharp, it dug into my hand as i lunged at there legs...i slice his achillies tendon and kick him down the stairs... i wanted his neck to snap....oh well...he wont hurt me again. Another day another guy. it goes on....and on....i get beat with belts and whips. i go to school with the cuts, the scars the bruises. I lie and say i got into fights with kids. The kids see it and think im weak and that they can easily beat me up. So i fight them to prove apoint. They fight me and i go cold. I dont fight for here and now i fight for Enders game. I fight to make a point of them, one of 2 things happen i go to the hospitol or they do. I fight and i send kids to the hospitol...nearly killed about 8 of them. I dont care, they swung at me, and they needed to learn. I go home and he goes to beat my mother in a drunk coked rage....i get in the way... i get slammed into the fridge. i get up ...my eyes glaze over, the blue of them goes into a shade of ice blue. i lunge at him. my 6year old frame goes into him like a ton...we go through the table i start swinging wildly trying to do as much damage as possible... he leaves...i leave too.... i start living on the street coming back to make sure everyone is fine and what not... my kid brother leaves with me we live on the street for a year... forging for food or stealing it... we find places to stay wheather its with random people or just where we land... and its fine its much better then being there. I go home...well to that house one day...social worker is there....were taken away....my reality is shattered... i see a world unlike mine...i see what its like to be a family i distance my self from it...it scares me....all ive know is pain and fighting... i use them and abuse the fact that i have a family... i try to be the loner ive always been ....i learn to fake happiness and be manipulative so i dont have to participate as a family but still can survive there... i then go to my grandmotehrs house where im mentally abused...told ill never amount to anything im worthless...im a failure...all i do is fuck things up and i break everything im not loved and never will be... then im beat with a horse whip... eventually im sent back to my ...mother...but i live there as a slave and am used...im never home ever...i try to keep away from that place as much as possible...they arent my family...ive never known a family. im 13 now... i live that way running the streets and suriving by fighting and stealing lieing and being decitfull....til im 16 then i move out... i tell my mother i dont love her...that they arent my family never have been, that she has been the cause of all my pain..and i hate her and that shes never been a mother that she gave birth to me...thats where her actions as a mother stopped....i move in with my best friend and brother now....i have a family that i call my own...they love me and care about me...im 18 now...im about to go away to college... ill place that segment in here soon...